Photo Credit: Erik Drost
We’re flipping the script here on NFL Real Talk. In years past, I end up growing tired with this piece since I repeat myself more than I want to. Plus, by Week Five, all the really competitive owners roster most of the dudes we mention here (except for the deep sleepers, and we have a good one after the jump). So the time has come for a format shift.
We’ll still bring you paragraph-style insight when it’s worth writing about, but we’re also bringing some other goodies into the mix. Read on, my legions, to see what you’ll be perusing every week. Your boy Dudley Do Work is rejuvenated and, like a gang bang on Kate Upton, you won’t want to be left out.
More after the jump:
-Josh Gordon is the deep sleeper I was referring to and he’s mighty intriguing. Gordon saw eight targets and scored twice against the Giants on Sunday. Many are skeptical of Gordon and consider him a “project” since he didn’t play at all last year and was a supplemental pick who got a four-month late start on the Browns’ playbook. That’s safe talk. I hate safe words. Gordon has a storm of positive factors raining around him. For example, the Browns coaching staff came into Week Five saying that the light in his head “flipped on” during practice. Think that’s just bullshit-ass coach talk? Well, it very well could be since coaches lie more than OJ. Sill, Gordon has a lot of things working in his favor. He has drawn comparisons to Randy Moss and Brandon Marshall. He also figures to get better as the season wears on since he’ll be shaking off the rust and getting more comfortable in the Cleveland offense. Brandon Weeden appears to be getting better as well, and if he looks Gordon’s way going forward the way he did in Week Five, then Gordon could creep into every-week WR3 territory.
Now we move on to the “new” segments of NFL Real Talk. Legions... attack!
Sell-ery (or, “These Guys Suck But Still Have Value, So Trade Them To Some Dummy”)
1 - Tony Gonzalez
You probably think my argument for selling Tony G is that he is old. Yup.
2 - Maurice Jones-Drew
Let’s face it, Blaine Gabbert really, really blows. While MJD has put up numbers in the past regardless of a crappy QB, the mileage on his body has to be catching up on him (he’s 16 carries away from the dreaded 1,500 mark). Teams will continue to stack the box and limit his production.
3 - Steven Jackson
It’s not about to get any easier for Jackson, who has tough run defenses throughout his division.
Buy-sexuals (or, “You Should Want These Guys, But Only In A Platonic Way, Which Is Why They Are Called “BUY-sexuals”)
1 - Matt Stafford
TDs will come and he’s still averaging over 295 yards a game. This is biggest discount you will ever get on Stafford.
2 - Brandon Lloyd
Was blanketed by Champ Bailey this week, but he was on the rise prior to that performance. Still love him long-term (and I totally wrote that with a Vietnamese accent).
3 - Brandon LaFell
Oh he never LaFell off (that’s been Cam Newton’s job lately). I’m banking on Newton turning things around and finding LaFell often (who is getting open with ease).
Matchup Macking (or, “I’ll Tell You Who To Play Who You May Be On The Fence About, And Also I’m A Charming Lad ‘Round The Ladies”)
1 - Andre Roberts vs. BUF
The Bills have allowed more people to score in the last two weeks than your mom, and Roberts should continue his nice little run in the early season. Shit, the Bills let the JETS score 48 points, so Roberts could really have a big day.
2 - Heath Miller at TEN
Even though a lot of people may be worried that his production will tail off now that Pittsburgh has re-established their run game, I think he’ll come up with a very useful performance this week. The Titans are getting killed by TEs and Miller always seems to come up with a score in televised games.
3 - Christian Ponder at WAS
The Redskins secondary is getting straight Rihanna’d (or, “abused”), so I think Ponder will do work in this one. It’s also worth mentioning that we should totally start calling Ponder and Adrian Peterson “Edge & Christian.”
4 - LaRod Stephens-Howling vs. BUF
Again, the Bills are atrocious defensively, allowing 5.37 YPC against opposing RBs. LSH has a golden opportunity with Ryan Williams and Beanie Wells out of the picture, and I expect him to be the lead dog in the Cardinals backfield.
Dropping Deuces (or “These Guys Are Bad, So Bad That One Can Refer To Them As ‘Shitty’”)
1 - Shonn Greene
The only reason you’ll ever start him is as a bye-week replacement. If your bye-week worries at RB came and went this week, drop him. I know he’s a starting RB in the NFL, but he is the worst starting RB in the NFL.
2 - Kenny Britt
It’s just not gonna happen this year. You don’t come back from a knee injury that bad and regain your explosiveness after a year. You just don’t.
3 - Jackie Battle
It was a nice run, but don’t think for a second that he’s ever getting back in a timeshare with Ryan Mathews.