Photo Credit: Keith Allison
I’m 5-2-1. And I stand by my record like Georgy Clooney stands by his women. Basically, what I’m saying is… I’ll stand by my record until it stops looking good on my shoulder. Anyway, last week I went 0-1 conceding my first losing week. Granted I only lost one game (because I only took one game), but nonetheless having a losing week is humbling. Sports enthusiast, friend and life scholar Joey T had this to say: “Luke, we (men and women alike) exhibit great pride before we fall.” Well, boys and girls… Joey T couldn’t have been more right. After displaying much hubris, big guns upstairs fired off and put one right through my chest. Now it’s on me to go and totally redeem myself. If you’ve been betting with me you’re still up $754, so let’s take that pocket change and make some more money. If you want to pass on my picks I have this to say to you: the only people making money passing are NFL quarterbacks and I don’t see a number on your back. So, pick up the phone, call your bookie, log onto your sports gambling site, or fly to Vegas because we’re about to make some money.
More after the jump:
The Pick: Minnesota Vikings -5.5 vs. TEN
First off, can we agree that the Tennessee Titans might be the worst team in the league? I will not elaborate too much on this pick, but hopefully I give you enough insight and reason to wager. The Vikings are at home where they are currently 2-0 including an impressive win over arguably one of the best teams in the league: the San Francisco 49ers. Conversely, the Titans are 0-2 on the road, with both road losses being blowouts. At the moment, the Titans are starting Matt Hasselback who wasn’t good enough to win the starting job in training camp from Jake “I Should Be Stuffed In A” Locker. The Titans are now negative seventy in points differential, which is the worst mark in the league. I expect that mark to get worse after this week. But someone, please, stop the presses. Why? Chris Johnson actually ran well last week to the tune of 141 yards. Luckily, I’m here to tell you why he won’t do that this week. Last Sunday, most of CJ’s yards came in between the tackles. The Vikings are not only among the league’s best at this, but they are actually the best when it comes to giving up yards in between the tackles. In other words, the Vikings give up the fewest yards between the tackles. Don’t even ask me how I know that stat, just know that I do my due diligence and you, my friends, are the benefactor. Christian Ponder, Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin shouldn’t find it difficult to exploit the 31st ranked defense in the league. For those of you who aren’t mathematicians, that makes the Titans the second worst defense in the entire league. Take the Vikings in this one. The Vikes will win and cover against a team that’s losing more hope than Kirstie Alley stuck inside a cheesecake factory.
The Prediction: Vikings 24, Titans 14
The Wager: $200
The Pick: Washington Redskins +3 vs. ATL
Guess what folks? There are only two undefeated teams left and after this week there will be one. On Thursday night, astute city slicker and gambler Joey Lambert and I had solid feelings that the Cardinals would get knocked off. Naturally, we bet the St. Louey Rams. It goes without saying… we won. Him a little more than I. I apologize that I didn’t get you in on the action but my articles aren’t published until Friday or Saturday. Such is life. Anyway, I need to tell you something… the Falcons aren’t going undefeated and if you think they are, just skip right on to my next pick. This wager is for those with the foresight to see a good thing coming. This pick is for those that witnessed an Atlanta Falcons team needing every last second at home to beat a less than credible Panthers team. This pick is for those that win their survivor leagues because they don’t just look at the matchups, but look at suspicious spreads. This pick is for those that know Atlanta minus three is fishy.
I’ve been to seven NFL stadiums in my time and none were louder than FedEx field (by the by, if you’re ever down to FedEx, look for the Hooters inside and ask for Cindy, she’ll take good care of you). Anyway, why do I like the Redskins? FedEx field will be insane this Sunday with the undefeated Falcons coming town. Expect the crowd to have a hand in this game. Out of loyalty I won’t talk anymore about FedEx Field because I know someone who works at UPS and I like knowing what brown can do for me.
So why else do I like the Skins? If you know football like Joey Lambo and I, you know that football teams are like women, they’re emotional. How they acted last week might have a lot or a little to do with how they will act in the weeks to follow. The question then becomes: how well do you know the team you’re betting on and their “monthly” schedule? Will I’m of the opinion that I know the Falcons monthly schedule and I’m telling you someone needs to get them a tampon because they’re about to bleed.
The Redskins recently gained some momentum last week with an emotional win over Tampa Bay on the road. The Redskins are 2-2 and have the feel of a team with a rare commodity: hope. And as Andy Dufresne would tell you… hope is a dangerous thing. Listen folks, if you break down the numbers this game might not be what you’re looking as far as the Skins are concerned. But Robert Griffin III is the fourth highest rated passer in the league with a 103.2 rating and the Falcons can’t win every game. The Skins have the look of a wagon starting to coast downhill and the Falcons look like a well oiled machine with a big problem. They’ve got a wheel that looks like it’s about to come off. Guess what? This is the week that wheel comes off. The Falcons surrendered a total of 404 yards last week against Carolina, lost the time of possession battle, and couldn’t stop a player that most closely resembles RGIII… Cam Newton. So ask yourself, if the Falcons couldn’t stop Cam, how will they stop RGIII? Answer: they won’t. This shit isn’t checkers, it’s chess, and I see RGIII making moves all over Sunday’s board. Skins get out to an early lead and hang on to win a tight one.
The Prediction: Redskins 27, Falcons 24
The Wager: $125
The Pick: Pittsburgh Steelers -3.5 vs. PHI
Listen, I understand you’re busy. I’m busy, time’s money. But you know what else is money? This pick. Usually, I’m weary of betting the Steelers as year in, year out they are a hard team to peg. But this is the type of game you got to like. Why? The Steelers are coming off their bye week, they’re healthy and the Eagles are coming off an emotional win versus the Giants. Right now, the Eagles are fat and happy. When a team gets fat and happy, bet against them. Always. The only thing that scares me in this game is that half a point, but I honestly contend that this game won’t be that close. The Steelers got their dicks dug into the dirt versus the Raiders two weeks ago and are looking for redemption. Guess what? This week they’ll get it.
The Prediction: Steelers 31, Eagles 14
The Wager: $275
The Pick: Houston Texans -9 at NYJ
Now here we have a game that makes me shake my head. You should take this line as disrespect. Why? Because I do. Any self-respecting bettor knows the only way Houston, on Monday Night, doesn’t win this by more than ten is if they get backdoored. And when I speak of dooring through the back I’m not talking about a sexually explicit act involving your favorite “Daddy made me this way” starlet. Anyway, when Mark Sanchez isn’t having sleepovers with my narcissistic yet pseudo-lovable friend Ali Smith, he’s busy fumbling, throwing pick sixes, and raising questions about whether he can play quarterback in this league. Everything in my being tells me that the Jets are going to get embarrassed Monday. The question becomes… how bad? Because I trust that you don’t need a breakdown of this game, I’m not going to break it down. Jets lose this one ugly. Trust that. For the sake of brevity, I wasn’t long-winded with my last two explanations as far as picks were concerned, but if I’m making you money do you really care? I thought not.
The Prediction: Texans 35, Jets 13
The Wager: $300
@Silver Dollar I like the picks a lot as well. Vikes scare me, but that's just because I'm from Minnesota and have seen so much failure against bad teams in the past...