It's Peyton F'ing Manning
Photo Credit: Jeffrey Beall

In 2011, somewhere between 800 and a 100 billion dollars was gambled on the NFL. I don’t know what this tells you, but it tells me that the people in our great nation like having a little action on their football. And guess what? So, does this guy.

Last year my wife took half. This left me owning two things. My dog and my bookie. Messy divorce aside, in 2011, I hauled in five thousand dollars gambling on the NFL and I wasn’t working with a power broker’s bankroll. I say this not to brag, but merely to establish some credibility with the loyal contingency we have here at Sons of Roto. While I excel at picking spreads from week to week, I also fare well with prop bets and season bets. But enough with the semantics. Let’s make money on Vegas’ over/under total wins for some NFL teams.

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The Stars And Scrubs Approach Will Net You A Bret Hart, But Will Also Land You A Bunch Of Useless Anvils
Photo Credit: John McKeon

In life, I abide by three simple rules:

1. When in doubt, eat it out
2.  Never place all your eggs in one basket
3. Snake Drafts are quicker, but Auctions are sicker!

When it comes to Fantasy Football, auctions are by far the most exciting way to draft your team. It is a much more dynamic experience. One where YOU have control over your team and not the randomly selected draft order. It is also a much fairer process, as it allows every owner every opportunity to grab every player. It's your prerogative how you decide to go about formulating the "dream team." Over the years, I have become accustomed to schooling those less fortunate in the art of auction sharkdom. I rarely come out of an auction draft feeling uneasy about my team (can't say the same about snake drafts though). Luckily for you, I have decided to not be a hoarder and share with you my secrets to auction draft success. Pay attention, it's about to get real.

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Scram, Newton
Photo Credit: sportique

The quarterback position is loaded with intrigue as the NFL continues to become more and more pass-happy. Shit in the NFL is getting aired out more often than a Method Man and Redman tour bus. A lot of people feel that you need to get one of the elite signal-callers in order to put yourself in a position to win a fantasy championship, but that’s not entirely true. Yes, landing a Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers will put you in prime position to cruise to a playoff berth (so long as you don’t fuck up the rest of your roster), but there are a slew of cheaper alternatives who can provide excellent production as well. I don’t have it in me to drop $50 or more on a signal caller. Not when the position is filled with interesting options.

Now getting back to the tiers, this is how it works. I come up with funny, insightful tiers that help break down the relative fantasy values of the 35 QBs that are listed below. You read, laugh, and cry at amazement over how superb a job I did. Let’s begin.

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Breakthrough or Breakdown?
Photo Credit: Jeffrey Beall

With the fantasy football draft season upon us, it’s time for your favorite physical therapist to make his triumphant return to the cyber pages of Sons of Roto. That’s right kids, Don’s Do-Not-Trust List © (DDNTL) is back, and I’m ready to lay some wisdom on the masses! I don’t have a crystal ball, I’m not personally examining or treating any of these players, and I don’t have any contacts in NFL locker rooms. What I do have, however, is an enormous brain filled with knowledge gained through years of experience in rehabbing sports injuries and dominating on the fantasy playing field. For those of you unfamiliar with how this works, I’ll be discussing a bunch of players with injury concerns and whether or not I trust them. To be clear: just because a player makes my list doesn’t mean he’s not worth drafting; in fact, in some cases you can get great injury discounts if you pick your spots carefully. A spot on my list is simply a warning that I wouldn’t trust that player to live up to his draft day value due to health concerns.

Plan on using an early round pick on Trent Richardson, Darren McFadden, or Andre Johnson? Think it’s wise to take advantage of the injury discount on Ryan Mathews, Hakeem Nicks or Miles Austin? Wondering if Adrian Peterson or Jamaal Charles will be worth gambling on? Well we’re going to answer those questions and more. Pay attention kids, it’s time to educate you.

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Stevie J Has Favorable Matchups On Tap
Photo Credit: Jeffrey Beall

Though a lot of people don't take the time to examine strength of schedule as it relates to fantasy football, it can be a useful way to help owners become a little more decisive on players they are on the fence about. In this piece, we'll look at some NFL teams who have favorable schedules this season and explain what the fantasy ramifications are.

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Tony Gonzalez Today
Photo Credit: Bengt Nyman

When discussing draft strategies, one is accustomed to hearing what positions to take and when. With the evolution we’re witnessing in the passing game, the days of going RB-RB in the first two rounds are virtually gone. Right now, fantasy drafts are not an exact science and there is no one approach that will assure you a fantasy championship. But there are players that can assure you success.

Rather than tell you what positions to take and when, I’d prefer to tell you what players I’m high on, who will see a decrease in production, who has ADP value, and who you can’t afford to gamble on.

Clearly it’s still early, and the plan could change, but there are ADP numbers from drafts that are already taking place which will provide us with a barometer from which to go on.

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Te... no
Photo Credit: Craig O'Neal

So here you are, thinking you're gonna get a steal of a player in an early round. Well, here I am, telling you to stay away from some guys. I know there will be some people who will still draft Tim Tebow, I understand, you're part of his cult following, but choose with your head, not with your heart. Here are some players you will think about drafting, but hopefully don't. You'll thank me later. Better yet, I'll just say you're welcome now.

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Malcom "Pretty Boy" Floyd is ready to do work
Photo Credit: SD Dirk

Well, its about that time of year, when you start the shit-talking with your fellow GM's and try to devise some method to the madness that will be your draft strategy. Fortunately, you came here for the hottest, most sexy advice your computer could give you. Good luck getting such balls-out sleeper advice from SIRI. I'm a human, and I am smarter than SIRI. Here is a little gift from me to you, in the form of fantasy sleepers. If you choose to accept my gifts, good, you'll be successful. If you wish to skip on my highly-touted offerings, then I hope you make a run at the #1 pick next year.

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This guy gets it
Photo Credit: yummyporky

After our Fantasy Baseball Team Names list was widely regarded as the funniest collection of team names ever created, you know the crew at SoR had to step their game up for fantasy football. Unlike other fantasy football team name sites, you won’t find any lame or recycled team names here. That’s right, no “Dirty Mark Sanchez,” “Arian Nation,” or “Smoke a Blount” shit here. Sure our list isn’t the longest on the ‘net, but there’s no filler round these parts.

These names are all the brainchild of Starbonell. That said, we do take requests, so if you have a hilarious suggestion, put it in the comments and we will give you full credit for it (that is, if it is good enough to make the list).

Well, enough talking. Enjoy and you’re welcome.

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Photo Credit: elfidomx 

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEF teams who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).We also include last week’s suggestions and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

No, there are no Week 17 streaming recommendations. The reason? Negative reinforcement. That’s right, you can’t have amazing fantasy analysis if you play in a Week 17 league, so hopefully you learn your lesson and keep the shit at 16 weeks like a normal person.

So why another “Stream Pies” post? Well, in the spirit of accountability, we have to let you know how we fared this season and provide you with some closing thoughts. It’s only right, and it happens right after the jump: