Got a hole? Let Matt Adams fill it (pause).

I first brought up the legend of Matt Adams in the first base edition of “Tiers, Not Fears,” pointing out the massive power potential and the slew of aging, possibly fragile position players sitting on St. Louis’ active roster. Now that Lance Berkman is out, the Matt Adams era is finally underway.

Find out why he needs to be owned in all 12-team leagues after the jump:

Photo Credit: Keith Allison

It’s getting to the point of the fantasy baseball season where your boy Daddy Starbucks starts to grow listless with writing about the sport. Don’t get it twisted, I still plan on winning all my leagues and will follow the game closely, but posts from me on fantasy baseball will begin to become more infrequent. The reason? There’s just not that much cool shit to write about that the smart readers of this website won’t already know.

I thought about doing an MLB Real Talk post on Joe Blanton for fuck’s sake. Look, I like the Philly Blant enough to trust him as a spot starter (or a solid SP in deep leagues), but when suckas like this start gracing the covers of Starbonell posts, it’s quite clear that there isn’t that much cool shit to talk about that hasn’t already been discussed on a million other sites. Here at Sons of Roto, we value outside-the-box analysis on players people may be overlooking. But we have to draw the line somewhere. Joe Blanton is that line.

Worry not fantasy baseball heads. “Stream Pies” will make its triumphant return around Memorial Day and that series will run until the end of the season. MLB Real Talk will also rear its head whenever an underappreciated commodity deserves a shout-out. And I’m sure “Lying, Whoring Numbers” will crop up when overzealous stat-wads get overexcited about a player. Still, we have to be realistic. Fantasy football is rapidly approaching and more time needs to be spent pimping what will be the greatest draft guide ever.

Don’t think of this as goodbye, for when the cool summer night settles down upon you, it will be my name you hear on the wind... “Sssstarbonell....”

More after the jump:

In Italy, admiring the statue of David
Photo Credit: Caroline Bonarde Ucci

Welcome to “John Travolta Numbers.” You know, because John Travolta lies (naked, for potentially gay masseuses) and whores (naked, for potentially gay masseuses). Think that joke is a stretch? Well, my retort is that I stretched your moms out last night, and I didn’t even need to pose as a masseuse (though if I did, it would be a totally hetero disguise complete with beef jerky and matted-together issues of “Greasy V’s” magazine).

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Emerging from the clutter of the A’s outfield, Josh Reddick has become a serious option for owners even in three-outfield formats. Find out why it is your civic duty to help bump his ownership rate up... after the jiz-ump:

Photo Credit: Marianne O'Leary

Although baseball is well underway and the season is chugging along as usual, there are a number of absolute studs that have been seriously underperforming. Obviously everybody and their mother knows of Albert Pujols’ struggles, but Jose Bautista and Robinson Cano are also putting up duds on the regular nowadays. Moving down the totem pole a bit, guys like Jose Reyes, Ben Zobrist, Brandon Philips, and Nelson Cruz are also punishing owners for taking them early in the draft. Find out what the future holds for these dudes.

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: Goaliedudegreg

The thing about numbers is...

Aw fuck it. I’m feeling way too lazy to write up an intro tonite. Just hit the jump and find out everything you need to know about Dee Gordon, Zack Greinke, Freddie Freeman and Kyle Drabek.

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Yahoo! recently posted a big-ass picture of Adam Jones with the words “Adam Bomb” emblazoned over it. So you know what that means… it’s time to trade him.

Explanations after the jump:

Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Jason Hammel will be facing the Yankees in the Bronx in about an hour. Whenever a pitcher goes against the Yankees (especially in their home park), fantasy owners tend to be shook. Me? I’m streaming the shit out of Hammel tonight, and the odds are pretty good that our partnership will last past Monday (pause). Many of you are probably thinking, “B-B-But Starbonell! This is the same guy who has posted ERAs over 4.7 the last two years! Y-You’re kidding, right?”

Nope.

More after the jump:

A common sight for Cardinals fans
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Welcome to another edition of “Lying, Whoring Numbers,” where the only “small sample size” is located in your pants. Burn!

Seriously though, I want you to keep reading in spite of the small penis joke.

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: SD Dirk

Mark my words, pretty soon you will see a plethora of lame Bass jokes by fantasy writers with the sense of humor of a young Dave Coulier. Bass Fishing, Slapping The Bass, The Bass Effect... trust me, there’s gonna be a lot of wack jokes. Yet when you read those wack puns, just remember where you heard the name Anthony Bass first. From the people who brought you Lance Lynn comes another unheralded pitcher who warrants your attention like... um, an unreasonable detective who really, really wants to arrest your attention. Y-yeah.

More after the jump: