Zo’ Nuff!
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Like the second base position, the shortstop ranks are rather unimpressive. And by “rather unimpressive” I mean “fucking awful.” Even the top three options have some risk attached, and the lower down the list you travel, the more treacherous the road becomes. 

More after the jump:

Only Josh Reddick will hit more fly balls than me. But he's a serial masturbator.
Photo: Red3biggs

While Robinson Cano sits atop all 2B cheat sheets, it is Ian Kinsler who has the most potential. Cano is a safe bet for greatness, but he has no chance of pushing a 30/30 season, which Kinsler has done twice since '09. Don't let the poor BA fool you, Ian makes plenty of contact (12.2 K% vs Cano's 11.8). Kinsler's poor BA is the result of his flyball tendencies. Kinsler is projected to hit nearly 75 more FBs than Cano (251 vs 177). For someone like Kinsler, playing in such a hitter's paradise, you would think his career best HR/FB would be higher than 12.5-percent. If he were to experience a "lucky" season like everyone does at some point, he could hit 40 HR (that is only a 15.9 HR/FB). Then there is the "lucky" BABIP. You can bet on a mediocre BA from Kinsler, but he is different than the strikeout-prone hitters with mediocre batting averages. Plus, I guarantee he will play 162 games. If he doesn't I'll refund your money times five. Did I just rank Ian Kinsler ahead of Robinson Cano? Check out the 2B rankings and projections after the jump:

This is the face people make when you say the name “Chase Utley”
Photo Credit: Shannon Lamond

Second base is so shit-fucking terrible that I am writing less about it this year. You just get to a certain point with 2Bs where you wonder why you are spending any time writing about the “merits” of Dustin Ackley or Neil Walker. This has nothing to do with me wanting to write less in order to get these tiers out... OK, maybe a little. Still, there’s a lot of shit at the position, so I changed up the style a bit for this edition of “Tiers, Not Fears.” 

Have at it you savages:

Kill the disbelieving squint Mark Trumbo, you’re no. 7
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Normally, the term "first base" is synonymous with "failure" for handsome sooth-sayers like myself. Yet when we are talking fantasy baseball, the word takes on a more positive connotation. First base is deep; always has been. 

Sure the league-wide drop in power has affected the position, but if you adjust your expectations for today’s type of HR production, first base remains the most power-heavy position (and it’s not even close). 

Of course, the position remains chock full of overrated options and profit-netting players. Fortunately, your boy Stats All Folks has decided to rank and tier the top 47 first basemen in fantasy.

More after the jump:

Get in there Uggla. My butt hurts after drafting you last year.
Photo: Kintetsubuffalo

Despite what you've read, Dan Uggla is not dead. Do not inhale the white smoke. Put away the black ensemble. Do not shed a tear. Fake experts across the world have buried a man alive. Much like Dianne Feinstein, these so-called experts fear returning veterans. But we fantasy gods love Dan Uggla. We love cheap bounce back campaigns, and Uggla fits the bill. If you're a million dollar manager, this if for you. Cheers.

More after the jump:

You don't want Butler manning 1B for you. Foot on the bag Billy!

I like Big Butlers and I cannot lie. OK that was a lie. I do not like big, fat Billy Butlers. How can a guy hit home runs and steal bases when his man breasts are flopping around? Do not pay for the career year. Butler's HR total is pointing in the same direction as his missile titties; straight down. First base is as deep as ever so there is no reason to reach, overspend, or invest heavily at the position. My tenth best 1B: Ike Davis; my tenth best 2B: David Eckstein. Will Albert Pujols don the MDM uniform? Unlikely. And with that, off we go.

More after the jump:

Like the Clipse’s debut album, just call him “Lord Wilin”
Photo Credit: Charles Atkeison µg

Catchers are like condoms: no matter what you think about them, you need them. Sure you can punt the catcher position or go raw dog, but why take the chance? The upside of ditching the rubber or catcher is amazingly better sex and the opportunity to pick up a more useful roster piece, respectively. The downside? A gaping hole (one of which is on your roster... the other just delivered a baby).

So rather than pass on doing your due diligence in surveying the catcher landscape, make the jump and find out how the position shakes out:

Whoever is drafting Yadier Molina in Rd 4 deserves to be donkey punched into oblivion.
Photo: shgmom56

It's true what they say, "If you draft a catcher early, it means you like to take it in the butt." There is nothing wrong if you're the guy who drafts Buster Posey, but please spare us from the Bust Her Posey jokes. You're not fooling anyone. We know. We know. Outside of leagues that use knee pads as a stat category, you'll want to avoid the ADP of a Posey or Yadier Molina, but we can have that chat when you're older. After the jump: Catcher rankings and projections for the 2013 fantasy baseball season.

Duuuuh, why does MDS keep talking 'bout me?
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Mike Trout's 2012 season is much like a fishing story. It just seems to get more extravagant with each telling of the tale. I've heard the fables, "Oh man, I caught this 12-pound walleye in my bath tub!" When in reality, the guy probably dropped a 12-pound turd in his toilet after eating Taco Bell. The plastics and tainted horse meat will do that to a guy. You'll have to forgive him and anyone who ranks Mike Trout as their No. 1 player off the board. After the jump, the reason Trout got Das Boot from the No. 1 OF spot.

Photo Credit: Keith Allison
 

I'll keep this short and sweet. I have no respect for your feelings, so when you see Mike Trout is not my No. 1 Outfielder (oh my god!), go ahead and talk trash; see if I care. It's like the time I became the Internet's Most Hated Man when I said Eric Hosmer is a pussy. The truth can crush a heart. And I'm no player, but I crush a lot. Make the jump and see Mike Trout get Big Pun'd: