April showers bring May flowers. The showers I speak of are the cold showers Alexei Ramirez takes after every game in April. The guy just flat out sucks during the first month of baseball. It's obvious and predictable. The good news is we're only a few days away from the month of May. While his career stats in May aren't the best, like a thermometer the numbers do rise. More after the jump.
It appears his April numbers are trending upward. Maybe he can post a .700 OPS next season. That would be super. Despite the early woes, Alexei owners shall fear not. His numbers rise (and fall) with thermometer readings and it's about to start warming up in Chitown. Alexei doesn't need to believe Big Oil's lies to support global warming.
Watch Your Back Al Gore
As a fellow skinny man, I can tell you our bodies don't work efficiently in cold weather. We have too much surface area, we don't have layers of blubber to protect our vital organs and we don't have much of a core to sustain internal body temperatures. My official theory: he's a skinny Cuban yo! I can only imagine how much more I would suck at outdoor sports in cold temperatures if I grew up on a tropical island. The White Sox should really look into getting him a Gortex uniform for the month of April.
I just finished up sending out numerous emails which look a lot like this: "If you're interested in dealing alexei ramirez, let me know". I purposely did not capitalize his name. Player swapping is mental warfare and you should always let your trading partner know that his players are inferior. With intelligent managers, you do it subtly. Making sure to use correct punctuation everywhere else in the email, I can send subliminal messages to managers.
Make like Tom Hanks and Catch Alexei If You Can.