Definitely Too Dumb For Auctions
Photo Credit: istolethetv

I’m so adamant about how superior fantasy auctions are to snake drafts, I’m not even doing a goddamn snake draft strategy piece. Honestly, what advice can I give to fantasy owners doing snake drafts?

“Be lucky enough to land a picking spot towards one of the ends so you can pick up back-to-back players.”

If you and your friends are still doing snake drafts, these are the only possible reasons:

1) You are relatively new to fantasy sports and are intimidated by auctions

2) You are too dumb to understand auctions

3) You are old (we all know how much older people hate change)

The auction format puts you in total control of your team. The onus is completely on the owner to craft a championship-caliber team. That’s right, no hoping that you luck out and get a sweet spot in the draft order. Just pure, unadulterated skill. 

New to the auction set-up? No worries. I’m not only here to convert you to auctions, but to help you maneuver through them like a seasoned pro. Some auction columns offer concrete strategies, which are fugazi. Auctions are like your mom: they are tricky whores that can twist in all different directions. So trying to apply an etched-in-stone approach is foolhardy as your decision-making could alter every few picks.

Instead, I’ll provide some do’s and don'ts that should help you successfully navigate through an auction and put you in a position to build a championship-worthy roster. Pretty f’ing nice of me. 

More after the jump:

Finding the right team name can you make you as happy as this guy
Photo Credit: Koshyk

Yes, an R.A. Dickey based team name is too easy. Why of course, Call Me Maybin is an incredibly wack team name. 

Let’s face it, really hilarious fantasy baseball team names are difficult to come up with. So rather than waste precious time trying to come up with names yourself, why not let your boy Dudley Do Work do it for you? Below are the best fantasy baseball team names for the 2013 season. They are also the funniest fantasy baseball team names of the 2013 season. How do I know they’re the best and the funniest? Simple, because the phrases “best fantasy baseball team names” and “funniest fantasy baseball team names” generate a shit-ton of hits on search engines. That may not have answered the question, but it didn’t need to. You’re here now. So join the Sons of Roto revolution and experience another Starbonell hand-crafted team names collection (with a couple of MDS gems sprinkled in). 

As always, these names are 100% original and did not come from any other sources. There are no lazy team names or corny-ass puns chilling on this list. We don’t believe in filling in our list with mediocre names just to flesh it out. Nope. Just pure, unadulterated genius. As usual, we are welcome to any suggestions from readers. Be warned though: only the best reader recommendations will grace this list (with credit included). 

Get a condom on that brain of yours, because your mind is about to be blown.

More after the jump:

Sorry lady-killers, but there’s no nerds allowed
Photo Credit: greggoconnell

Advanced stats in fantasy baseball can be very useful. Unfortunately, most advanced stats have little bearing on fantasy value. WAR, what is it good for? Jack shit homey.

Now there are obviously some advanced stats that can be critical tools in the quest for fantasy glory. We call these stats “Starbometrics.” You see, “Starbometrics” focuses solely on the advanced stats that actually help portend fantasy greatness or failure. There are so many different statistics out there that many people (fantasy “experts” especially) try to cite in an effort to make it seem like they know what the fuck they are talking about. That doesn’t go down here at Sons of Roto.

So to help break down the only advanced stats that matter, your boy Big Poppa Pockets has decided to drum up a primer that strictly looks at the stuff that matters in fantasy.

Class begins after the jump:

Just a couple more days to sweat out...
Photo Credit: midgetmanofsteel

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump:

Steve Johnson: The only major leaguer rocking a hickie
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: Joe Bielawa 

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: Keith Allison

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump:

Martiiiiiiiiiin!
Photo Credit: mikelachance816

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump:

Photo Credit: kowarski

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump:

Don’t Cross The Mendoza Line
Photo Credit: Keith Allison 

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on SPs who are owned in less than 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top).

More after the jump: