The only game with an above 30 percent chance for a PPD on Tuesday is between the Twins and Tigers. In doing my extensive research I found the picture for today's update while searching "rain detroit". This dude is definitely down on his luck and exemplifies most of the Detroit population. So I will make a personal plea to Mother Nature herself to not put any more undue hard times on this poor fellow, and let him enjoy some good time Tigers action on Tuesday night. I can't guarantee that my plea will be answered so be sure to check the forecasts before game time at 7:05 PM Eastern time. The rest of your usual starters should be fine.

MIN vs. DET: 45% chance of thunderstorms.
SF vs. STL: 29% chance of thunderstorms.
MIL vs. CIN: 27% chance of thunderstorms.

"At least I give owners who made the mistake of overpaying for me an excuse for losing."
Photo Credit: Adam Jackson

In this “holiday” edition, aka “I’m too drunk and/or lazy to write something longer” edition, I’ll be addressing some actionable injury news involving a couple highly owned players, Buster Posey and Wandy Rodriguez. With news of Posey being out for the season, I’ll discuss his viability for next season and what to pay attention to this off-season. I’ll also discuss Wandy’s elbow woes, and as always if you have a specific injury-related question feel free to ask in the comments or email me directly.

Don't search for Corey Hart, you'll find underwhelming statistics and this guy.
Photo Credit: iluvrhinestones

Greetings members of the fantasy community. Today, I return to my roots (sort of). That’s right; we’re talking about good old fantasy baseball again. It’s been a pretty good week for yours truly. I happen to have Jay Bruce on most of my teams, so I’m cruising to victory in all but one league. Bruce, however, wasn’t the only star of the week. Corey Hart, a player dear to my soul, erupted with four homeruns in two games (3 HR’s in one) on May 23rd and 24th. It appears as if his power stroke is back. A valuable lesson I’ve learned in my short life though is that things rarely are as they appear. Have no idea what I’m talking about? Make the jump to find out:

Get off the shitter and get on the LaPorta Potty. Photo Credit: Keith Allison

I find it hard to believe that Matt LaPorta is owned in only 17% of Yahoo leagues. Yes he’s young, inexperienced and he strikes out a lot (22.9 K%), but his power potential is the real deal. His ISO has improved from .141 in 2010 to .201 in 2011, suggesting that his power stroke is emerging. He was also a highly touted prospect (seventh overall selection in 2007) who hit 22 HR in 2008 (A and AA ball) in only 108 games. 2011 is his transition year (I’ll go on record and say that 2012 is when he becomes a star), but that doesn’t mean he won’t put up respectable numbers for your fantasy squad. He’s a legitimate 25 home run threat, and one that can be had free of charge. Make the move.

More after the break.

Nothing says "I'm proud to be an American" like a spandex unitard and a two by four.
Photo Credit: James

Happy Memorial Day to all. The weather looks to be outstanding across the nation as not one of Monday's scheduled games has even a 25% chance of rain. So start your stars with confidence while enjoying the barbecues, beers, and baseball. USA. USA. USA. USA...........

Photo Credit: Guillaume Paumier

I'm sending in the weather report for Sunday 5/29/11 a little bit early because I'll be going skydiving Saturday morning. The end of the world was predicted last weekend, and it may just have been delayed a few days for me. I couldn't take the leap though without providing the Sunday forecast. If I don't brutally crash into the ground by then I'll be right back here continuing my daily updates tomorrow. If I do bite the dust, then just remember me as the second-most Macho Man to ever walk the earth. 

SF vs. MIL: 53% chance of thunderstorms. 
PIT vs. CHI: 35% chance of thunderstorms. 
BOS vs. DET: 30% chance of thunderstorms.
CLE vs. TAM: 30% chance of thunderstorms.
Cheeks vs. Gravity: ??% chance of death.

Welcome to the Patriot Act, where you're heavily radiated with no probable cause.

With the extension of the unconstitutional Patriot Act (of which Obama promised to axe during his campaign), I thought I'd use my very own x-ray vision for the good of the fantasy baseball nation. There wasn't much action with the MLB short day, besides Jay Bruce hitting another HR (this song is dedicated to you Brucie), so I'll stop peering through the clothing of the female population and focus my sights on see-through statistics. These are the ultimate Buy/Sell targets and candidates. Practical advice only.

Photo Credit: Aaron Evans

It seems like Starbonell has his finger (probably all five fingers) on the pulse of the porn industry. Just a few short days after bringing the Chyna/Xpac sex tape to the forefront of the national fantasy sports discussion, we have received updated Chyna porn info from our friends at TMZ.com. Chyna probably figured the only way for her to up the ante on the creepiness from banging X-Pac on video is to be double teamed by two dudes at once. So in turn we will up the ante on the Cheeks Weather Report by giving you a double dose of updates for both Friday and Saturday. The forecast looks pretty clear for the weekend, but you'll never be able to fully clear your mind from disgusting thoughts following this latest newsbreak.

Friday May 27th
SD vs. WAS: 37% chance of thunderstorms.
LA vs. MIN: 65% chance of thunderstorms.

Saturday May 28th
SD vs. WAS: 32% chance of thunderstorms.
SF vs. MIL: 32% chance of thunderstorms.
PIT vs. CHI: 41% chance of thunderstorms.
BOS vs. DET: 38% chance of thunderstorms.

 

Fantasy baseball has provided me with many thrill and chills. It's been a fun ride, but lately I haven't had as much time for the wonderful game we play. I'd like to say I haven't had a choice, but that's not the case. I have made the choice to limit my time here. Don't worry, this isn't me saying goodbye. However, I am coming to the conclusion that there are more important things that I'd like to do with my time. Protecting my (and your) health and civil liberties has become important to me. I've decided to make it a personal mission of mine to stop the fluoridation of water in my community and to thwart the attempts of unlawful groping by the ever expanding militant wing that goes by the name of the TSA. While most Americans are obsessing over Michael Jordan and Biebler (hilarious rant, not a Biebler link), I've been paying attention to our shrinking dollar and the incrementalism of our rights. It's not a joyous situation, but luckily I have the make believe world of fantasy baseball in which I can bury my head. I can spend a hour or two and lose myself inside the world of mathematics. So let's ignore our ever evolving fascist society for a short while and delve into a few feel good story lines from Wednesday.

Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Thanks to the man above, there is a zero percent chance of Thunder in the NBA finals. However, there are some potential thunderstorms that could plague the truncated Thursday MLB schedule. Eight games are on tap, but half of them have at least some chance of thunder-related issues. Only two of them are really significant enough to warrant any type of fantasy consideration. The Mets and Cubs should be able to get in their scheduled afternoon tilt, even if the start time is delayed to later in the day. While the Red Sox and Tigers affair may suffer the same rainy conditions that forced Wednesday's game in the Motor City to receive the dreaded PPD.

BOS vs. DET: 70% chance of thunderstorms all day/night long.

CHI vs. NYM: 70% chance of thunderstorms all day long, with the forecast improving to a 30% chance of rain after 9:00 PM.