Somebody call Jonathon Niese’s surgeon
Photo Credit: slgckgc

Statistics and baseball go hand-in-hand, like “peanut butter” and “jelly,” or “smooth ass hustla” and “Starbonell.” However, there are numerous instances in which people (fantasy owners and writers alike) misuse certain statistics and turn those once innocent numbers into lying, filthy, whoring liars. With this column, we hope to go all Chris Brown on stats that get out of line.

You see, certain statistics can look great or terrible when they stand alone, but with the help of context, we can expose them as the lying pieces of shit that they are. So without further ado, your boy Kid Clutch, in association with “Do Work Productions,” invites you to the inaugural edition of “Lying, Whoring Numbers.”

More after the jump:

Like a Reimold Cowboy
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

With the waiver wire buzzing, MLB Real Talk is back discussing the long-term merits of players like Mike Aviles, Nolan Reimold, Kyle Drabek, and Jon Jay.

Work gets done after the jump:

Photo Credit: Future Atlas

Here at Sons of Roto, we do our very best to relay advanced baseball statistics in a way that makes them easy to understand. Yet we still get e-mails like this:

“From: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
To: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

You no make sense when rite. Numbers no like. Me angry. Me no read none no more.

Warmest Regards,
Every Person From The Bible Belt”

So to try to help our readers understand what all those wacky statistics we use are about, your boy Daddy Starbucks has decided to post an Advanced Stats Primer. Trust me, after reading this shit, you’ll be hooked. You have no idea how much fun it is to tell your fiancée how her ravioli dish is three wins below replacement level. Just imagine the laughs you’ll draw from your buddies when you explain that the isolated power you generate whilst masturbating is in elite territory. The possibilities are endless.

So without further ado, here are the most useful (and most used) advanced stats you will find discussed on this site.

Class begins after the jump:

Everybody chill the fuck out. He’s got this.
Photo Credit: SD Dirk

We’re talking starting pitchers again here on MLB Real Talk as a lot of popular names on draft day are suffering through slumps. Tim Lincecum, Matt Moore, Dan Haren, Yu Darvish... lots of dudes are getting lit up, and fantasy owners want answers. Worry not, your boy No-Star-Damus is here with his platinum-plated crystal ball.

More after the jump:

Don’t be afraid to play a Rusty Trumbo
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

It’s an under-owned/under-appreciated edition of Real Talk, where we take the orphans of fantasy baseball, tuck them deep into our bosom, and try to get owners like you to give them a chance.

I feel like Sally Struthers up in this bitch.

Mo’ Real Talk after the jump:

Do Work-Wright
Photo Credit: Dave Herholz

Today’s edition of Real Talk is all about Pitches N’ Hoes. That’s right, the dudes slinging that ish are dominating this post. Oop, I think I just pitched inside... my boxers.

More after the jump: 

And from the fog, a hero emerges...
Photo Credit: dbking

Though the season is only a couple of days old, fantasy owners already have a lot of questions about players off to noteworthy starts. While some say you should stand pat with your roster for at least a couple of weeks, your boy Stat Bundles advises otherwise. I’m not saying you should completely make over your roster by adding all waiver wire dudes, but let’s face it, every one of us has at least two disposable commodities on each team. If someone really interesting crops up on waivers, do not hesitate to dump one of your last rung losers for him. Championships aren’t won in April? Tell that to the people who picked up Jose Bautista two years ago.

More after the jump:

Things are looking up for Adam Jones
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Every year, certain trends emerge on the teams I draft. There are always some pet players of mine whom I always seem to get on my team. If I want something, I don’t stop until I get it. This year, I decided to share the results of my countless auctions and drafts. The players that come up most frequently are the ones to pay attention to. They don’t call me Captain Prognosticate for nothing folks (editor's note: Starbonell calls him "Captain Prostate"). Make the jump to see what I have in my pocket for 2012:

Did not think this dude would be sitting on all my rosters
Photo Credit: Ozmafan

You’ve pored over my “Tiers, Not Fears” series, fawned over my cheat sheet, and masturbated to episodes of Starbonell Station. At some point, you may have wondered, “does this handsome hooligan actually follow his own advice on draft/auction day?” It’s a fair question. To help answer it, I’ve gone over my rosters from the three mixed leagues I did this year. The three leagues are as follows:

Blog Wars: A 14-team auction league of writers that includes the likes of Scott Pianowski (Yahoo!), Grey Albright (Razzball), Rob Steingall (Minor Developments), Eno Sarris (Fangraphs), and Scott Swanay (Fantasy Sherpa). This league uses two catchers, five OFs, a CI, and an MI. It uses the classic 5x5 scoring format for roto. Oh, and it’s run by Sons of Roto. That’s right, we’ve got friends in high places.

Sons of Roto Reader League: A 16-team auction league that actually features a mix of dudes I’ve been drafting with for several years and readers of our site. Starting lineups have just one catcher, three OFs, and no MI or CI spots. Like Blog Wars, it follows a classic 5x5 format.

FSWA League: A 12-team snake draft league set up by the Fantasy Sports Writers Association. It is one of four leagues the FSWA is running for writers this year and includes Keith Hernandez (KFFL), Michael Pichan (RotoExperts and Fantasy Nomad), and John Rakowski (Sports Grumblings). Lineup settings are identical to Blog Wars, but instead of a standard 5x5 format, this league counts OBP and SLG instead of BA and HRs.

So I went across these three leagues looking for trends and, naturally, the common theme was “I’m Going To Run Shit This Year.” The results after the jump:

He’s either poised for a breakout or constipated... I choose the latter
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Let me start by saying that the young third baseman is going to be a superstar. It’s rare to see a legitimate 20/20 threat emerge at the hot corner. In a few years, the BC native will turn heads, but alas, it’s this year we worry about. Can we really expect miracles from the youngster? Can we automatically expect a breakout year? I used to think it was a given, but after mocking and analyzing the situation more thoroughly, the signs point to a dim future. With all the love going around the industry and among fans, it’s about time a skeptical approach was used on Lawrie. I’ll state it here first: Brett Lawrie will disappoint the masses oozing to draft him. Find out why after the jump: