What's That On Your Foot? An Ingram Toenail?
Photo Credit: Executive Office of the President

Take a deep breath in and exhale before the next sentence. Ok, here it goes. There are only four weeks left in the fantasy regular season. You can do one of two things: do nothing and sit there dazed and confused in mid-December, or go into Drew Brees mode right now. I have thus officially changed all trademarks and copyrights of Beast Mode to “Brees Mode.”  It's not like the Mayor of the Superdome is putting up significantly better fantasy numbers, but the Saints are getting the dubs and getting them in a hurry.

Are the Saints a playoff team? Which borderline teams in your league will make the playoffs? These are all questions we would like the answer to. 

The NFL is a complicated, confusing, mysterious, yet enjoyable ride. And so is my... knowledge... guiding you to the fantasy playoffs. Buckle up sweetie, we're going for a ride.

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Even Shane Douglas thinks the “Sanchize” is a fraud
Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEFs who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top). We also include last week’s suggestions and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

Though “NFL Real Talk” has come to a close, “Stream Pies” will be here providing advice all the way through the Week 16 championships. So grab a stool and try to find room on my back, because I’m carrying mu’fuckas to glory. 

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Even Bobby Budnick would salute Cecil Shorts

So this is the last edition of “NFL Real Talk” for the 2012 fantasy football season (cue the song “Taps”). With this week marking the deadline to make trades (in most leagues) and the final set of byes, the matchup and buy/sell portions of this piece will be irrelevant. And let’s be honest, if at this stage of the season you still need someone to tell you what to do, you probably aren’t winning a championship anytime soon.

It’s always sad penning the last article of a season... wait, that’s entirely false. It’s actually really awesome because it gives me more time to make babies and wrestle bears for sport. On that note, so long suckas.

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Smith is Less’n
Photo Credit: BrokenSphere

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEFs who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top). We also include last week’s suggestions and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

The Redskins stopped the hot streak we were having with defenses over the past few weeks, but that hasn’t affected your boy Big Poppa Pockets. There’s still plenty of work to be done and with the playoffs looming, you need me now more than ever. The edge you gain here by maximizing your kicker and DEF spots could be the difference between a weekly win or loss, so heed these words of wisdom suckas.

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Become a Morgan Donor
Photo Credit: Keith Allison

Election Day 2012 has come and gone and for the general public. It's been as frustrating and annoying as watching a Philadelphia Eagles football match. I refer to it is a match because when Michael Vick and the Eagles have the football, it is on the turf more often then a soccer match in Britain.

Sit and ask yourself which player is the biggest “must-start” tool in the league this year? Aaron Rodgers? Arian Foster? Wrong and wrong. Look no further then the windy city (and no we're not talking about the many talents of Jay Cutler) and the defense which resides in the depths of Soldier Field. 'Da Bears take their show on the road too. The Bears defense is strong enough to guide a team to the fantasy playoffs and they are dynamic enough to see themselves in New Orleans.

How do you get better at fantasy football? Pick up players before they are relevant. Acquire photos of your rival's girlfriend and put it as your team logo. Always be a student of this crazy game. The long lines at the polls should have been combatted by lengthy, in-depth research of fantasy knowledge. It was also probably escorted by scouring the waiver wire seven times just to make sure that Joique Bell really is not there. Read up and fill up. Time to make that playoff push.

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The face many of you have when you look at your fantasy record
Photo Credit: saratogajean

As we enter Week 10, fantasy advice becomes less relevant. Whether it’s because your team is out of the playoff picture or because there are simply no free agents left who might be real difference makers, there really is no reason for most of you to read about fantasy football until next season.

Alas, we still have a job to do on “NFL Real Talk,” and work shall be done. Fortunately, those of you still vying for a playoff spot and angling for a deep playoff run have come to the right place.

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Crybaby Cam should be picked on
Photo Credit: Pantherfan11

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEFs who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top). We also include last week’s suggestions and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

Our “Stream Pies” recommendations keep on rolling. Our top pick at DEF for Week Eight scored 22 points in standard Yahoo! leagues, bringing our points-per-recommendations up to 9.14 points (or, 11th best in fantasy). The kickers keep doing work as well, keeping their average above nine for the season. We keep telling you that no matter who your DEF/kicker combination is (save, of course, for the Chicago Bears), you are ultimately better off rolling with our under-owned weekly picks.

It’s not too late to jump on the “Stream Pies” Plane. Why a plane and not a bandwagon? Well, we ain’t rolling around in a shitty-ass wagon like some frontiersmen in Oregon Trail. ‘Round here, we rolling in style.

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The Broyles Treatment
Photo Credit: Kevind810

It's official. The halfway point of the season has arrived and can we just pull over for a second and take a breather? I mean, Calvin Johnson is miles behind us and is lost in some overrated city named Detroit. Arian Foster keeps churning and has established himself as a reliably legit “fantasy workhorse” that will go down in the books. It sure has been hard to find many of those this year. Check Heath Miller on the list of consistent gentlemen that were severely underrated when the season commenced.

Fantasy football truly is no easier than putting together a perfect bracket during March. The only reason we have success and win leagues is because were only competing against friends with similar “intellect.” And this claimed intellect is defined as stumbling into the front door at 3:38 AM on a Sunday morning and deciding it's time to be “bold” and bench Eli Manning for Michael Vick.  Two things need to be acknowledged here: all fantasy decisions need to be made before the second Heineken is consumed (insert Jim Carry scene from The Cable Guy) and never, ever, ever bench Eli Manning.

Staying focussed throughout the second half is undoubtedly how you use the waiver wire. Make the big moves before they can be seen. Read up for serious knowledge about how even the common man can turn that 4-4 start into a league championship and riches.

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Oh Hill yeah!
Photo Credit: Jeffrey Beall

This goddamn whore Hurricane Sandy is making things complicated. The bitch has forced me to put in work early on my Week Nine pieces, so excuse us for the lack of introductions. We are just gonna jump right into some Real Talk funk.

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A banged up T-Rich means a happy San Diego DEF
Photo Credit: Erik Drost

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEFs who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top). We also include last week’s suggestions and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

No need for intros this week. Let’s just get right into my domination of the stream game. Work... about to be done.

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