Anyone can get streamed on
Photo Credit: RyanCarr

Fee-fi-fo-fum, your wifey’s face is covered in... a new episode of “Stream Pies.” Open up and say “gargle!”

More after the jump:

I have to hide this bigboard when people come over.

Yes, that is a real life, fantasy football bigboard. And yes, I stash that sucker behind the couch before anyone gives it the stink eye. Sometimes the staples stick to the fabric of the couch and I have to do bigboard damage control. It's a small price to pay in order to not explain the nature and purpose of "that thing". I've been rearranging Velcro strips for the past eight weeks, but this is the first set of rankings that are made available to the public. My secret bigboard is no longer a secret. Enjoy.

After dusting off Matt Cassel, Miami should be able to rough up John Beck
Photo Credit: Keith Allison 

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEF teams who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top). Below our recommendations are last week’s and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

The surprises just keep on coming. The Miami f’ng Dolphins not only scored their first win of the season, but they did so in a difficult road environment against a team that had been streaking in the right direction. It’s admittedly been an up-and-down “Stream Pies” season thanks to inconsistent performances around the league, but as we enter the final weeks of the fantasy football season, things are starting to settle. These are the most critical weeks for you streamers out there, and we here at Sons of Roto are about to help you get that paper.

So getcha hot towels ready, because “Stream Pies” is about to explode on that ass.

More after the jump:

Like an all-white rap group, thinking your 2-7 team can make the playoffs is sad
Photo Credit: Artist Management

As we enter Week 10, it’s become pretty clear in your league who are the contenders and who are the... not-contenders. If you find that your team is the latter, make like the House of Pain and “pack it up, pack it in.” While some believe that there is some dignity in playing the role of spoiler, the truth is there ain’t. Sure there are some rare circumstances where it seems right to go all-out until season’s end, like when your sworn fantasy sports nemesis has their playoff life hanging in the balance in Week 13 and you have the chance to knock them off. Yet there’s two things embarrassing about that scenario. First, you have a fantasy sports nemesis (nerd alert; someone needs to get laid). Second, how can you really own bragging rights against someone who has a better team than you?

People will argue that the lower-seeded teams need to keep trying their best. After all, it’s “unfair” to give the teams facing a quitter the opportunity at an easy win. Right. Because football doesn’t already have a million different luck-based developments that happen in a given season. Hey, at least you’ll know what’s coming if the bottom-feeders in your league hang up their keyboards. No one gave Jamaal Charles owners the courtesy of a heads-up.

If I put money in a league and am no longer in the running for a cut of the payout, what difference does it make to me who wins or loses? Matter of fact, if you are out of the playoff picture and someone bitches to you about the need for you to check your lineup or make some moves, bench every player in your starting lineup to see how they react. That’ll learn ‘em.

More Real Talk after the j-u-m-p:

Brent Celek is on the rise
Photo Credit: Keith Lovett

We are getting into the homestretch in fantasy football. Week 10 is here and there are plenty of players out there that you shouldn’t be sleeping on. Before we get into my pickups for the week, let’s take a look at how we did in Week Nine.

Quarterbacks from Week Nine
Carson Palmer (OAK): 19-35 passing, 332 yards, 3 TDs, 3 INTs = 19 fantasy points
Tarvaris Jackson (SEA): 17-30 passing, 221 yards, 0 TDs, 3 INTs = 2 fantasy points
Fantasy Point Average: 10.5 fantasy points
Palmer had a great game this week. While the interceptions leave much to be desired (six interceptions on two games), the positives far outweigh the negatives. Also, keep in mind that they are letting him throw the ball a ton. He had 35 passing attempts in his second game since going from playing Madden to playing real-life football and he has receivers that can make a lot of plays. I really like Palmer as a borderline QB1 going forward. As for Jackson, he really shit the bed this week. Just a week after I finally come around on him and give him a shout-out on “Don’t Sleep” and Starbonell talks about him on Starbonell Station (editor’s note: Starbonell merely said T-Jax’s presence boosted the value of his receivers, not that Jackson is a viable fantasy play; you’re on your own here Potes), he remembers that he isn’t very good. While he does provide an upgrade to Sidney Rice and Doug Baldwin over Charlie Whitehurst, he clearly isn’t a reliable starting option in fantasy leagues.

Running Backs from Week Nine
Javon Ringer (TEN): 4 carries, 11 yards, 1 reception, 14 yards = 2 fantasy points
Kevin Faulk (NE): Did not play (Injury)
Fantasy Point Average: 2 fantasy points
Well, our Week Nine running backs were a big bust. Clearly, Javon Ringer will not get many touches when Chris Johnson decides to play football. The Titans have a lot of money invested in Johnson and they will give him every chance to succeed. If you are a Johnson owner you definitely want to own Ringer as a handcuff, but it looks like this is still Johnson’s backfield even after the horrible start. Kevin Faulk really Faulk-ed us over by not playing this week after leading the Patriot’s backfield in snaps in Week Eight. After being limited all week in practice, it was widely assumed that it was just to keep the old man fresh. However, it looks like he is actually dealing with knee soreness after making his debut. He cannot be trusted in fantasy leagues since he was already a hit-or-miss option when healthy. 

Wide Receivers from Week Nine
Jonathan Baldwin (KC): 1 reception, 12 receiving yards, 0 TDs = 1 fantasy point
Early Doucet (ARI): 6 receptions, 78 yards, 0 TDs = 7 fantasy points
Fantasy Point Average: 4 fantasy points
Baldwin forgot that in order to be a breakout star, you need to play well for more than one game. At least it was a legit secondary that shut him down. Oh wait… it was the Miami Dolphins playing without their best corner (Vontae Davis). The Chiefs are one of the most frustrating teams in the league because of their inconsistency and I am staying away from most of their skill position players. Doucet continues to have his sneaky good season for the Cardinals. It would have been nice if he found the end zone to bump him into double digit fantasy points, but it was a good game for him considering that John Skelton was his quarterback.

Tight Ends from Week Nine
Jake Ballard (NYG): 4 receptions, 67 yards, 1 TD= 12 fantasy points
Brent Celek (PHI): 7 receptions, 60 yards, 0 TDs= 6 fantasy points
Fantasy Point Average: 9 fantasy points
Ballard continued to make everyone in New York forget about Kevin Boss and made a couple huge plays down the stretch for the Giants, including the game winning touchdown. Anyone who needs a reliable option at tight end will be picking him up, so you will need to be quick if you want him. Brent Celek had another decent game even though he couldn’t find the end zone for the third straight week. Vick is looking for him in the passing game and he will be a borderline TE1 going forward.

Now let’s take a look at who I’m not sleeping on for Week Ten. All of these players are owned in less than thirty percent of ESPN leagues, and I think they should be owned in far more. Percentage rates based on figures from Tuesday night before waiver claims went through.

More after the jump: no comments

Photo Credit: Ibagli

With the way last week’s “NFL Real Talk” sparked a furious debate in the comments section, it’s obvious that we need more controversy to drive up traffic. I tried to come up with another fantasy football opinion that would elicit a rabid response. Alas, one could not be found, so instead we have that pleasant picture you see above. Creative, right? If that isn’t enough to send you into a frenzy, below are a list of words and phrases intended to stir the pot:

1%
Sex trafficking
Tea Party
The Montreal Screw Job
Aaron Rodgers is okay... I guess
ObamaCare
George Bush doesn’t care about black people
T.J. Houshmandzadeh doesn’t care about white people
Pro-life vs. Pro-choice
God is a woman... and her tits are glorious
Dog fighting is okay as long as the dogs don’t have owners
“Lost” sucks
Calvin Johnson is super overrated
Breaking Bad really isn’t THAT great
Fraternities: If you can’t make friends, pay for them
Only prejudiced people don’t like “The Wire”
Abstinence doesn’t work
There’s nothing intelligent about intelligent design

More “Real Talk” after the jump: no comments

Can he kick it? Yes he can
Photo Credit: Jeffrey Beall

At “Stream Pies,” we are serving up gooey loads of knowledge. Here, we’ll provide invaluable streaming advice on kickers and DEF teams who are owned in less than 30-percent of Yahoo! leagues. We list the options in order of best option to “least-best” option (with the strongest recommendations starting at the top). Below our recommendations are last week’s and full season results. Points are based on default Yahoo! settings.

It was a truly disappointing week for our kickers and defenses in Week Eight. Matter of fact, it was a pretty wild and confusing Week Eight in general. Fortunately, your boy Stat Bundles is a pro at dusting his fine threads off and getting back to work, so expect a bounce back in predictions starting.... now.

More after the jump:

Go Faulk Yourself
Photo Credit: BrokenSphere

It is hard to believe that we are already in the ninth week of the NFL season. In this series we have absolutely nailed it with some predictions, but we have also whiffed horribly on some. You are always taking a chance when you are picking up and starting guys that are under thirty percent owned, so there will inevitably be some ups and downs. Let’s take a look at how we did last week before we discuss the picks for this week.

More after the jump:

The Battle Has Just Begun
Photo Credit: Jeffrey Beall

Well hello to all. First, let me apologize for my lack of content in the past few weeks. I just finished a grueling week of midterms, so blame the rigors of school. I’m back now, and should be throwing out quality information on a regular basis again (until finals that is).

Now, back to football. Week Eight brought us many thrills, spills, and victorious Bills, but I want to start off this week addressing the RB situation in Tennesse, where Chris Johnson is slowly losing ground to his understudy, Javon Ringer. Although facing a paltry Colts defense, Johnson only managed 32 rushing yards on 14 carries, not what you would expect from a supposed superstar. What’s more troubling for Johnson, however, is that Ringer actually performed quite adequately, gaining 102 yards-from-scrimmage. His impressive performance ultimately led Titans coach Mike Munchak to declare that Ringer and Johnson would continue to split carries going forward. Naturally, this has serious fantasy implications.

Ringer, a talented back in his own right, may have just entered RB2 territory. If given half of the Titans carries each week, Ringer could yield some impressive results. It’s also important to note that on Sunday, he grabbed five catches for 42 yards, making him an interesting PPR play as well. After this week, he should be universally owned. It wouldn't be a surprise if Ringer continues to steal carries away from the overpaid superstar, especially if Johnson continues to falter.

As for Johnson, although clearly troubled, now is the time to buy low. Keep in mind, this was once an elite commodity, and it is hard to imagine him continuing to, for lack of a better word, suck. Try and see what little you can give to acquire his services. He could turn it around again and lead your team to an imaginary championship. Make the Move.

After the jump, see what else of importance happened in Week Eight:

Stewart stands alone
Photo Credit: Matt Trostle

If I asked you who is the no. 1 RB in football, most of you would say Adrian Peterson. False. The correct answer is Jonathan Stewart.

Before you get the pitchforks and torches ready to storm Starbonell Mansion, remember that the question was “who is the most talented RB in football.” Sure ADP and Matt Forte get a lot of love in fantasy circles, but their teams go out of their way to feature them. Granted, they make the most of their opportunities, but if Stewart was given nearly as many touches as those two, there is no doubt in my mind he would be regarded as the top back in football. Armed with great speed, power, and agility, Stewart can out run you, make you miss, and bulldoze over suckas. He’s also emerging as a serious weapon in the passing game with 21 catches (on 23 targets) thus far. Sure ADP has power and speed, but he leaves a lot to be desired in the passing game. Forte? Dude is racking up yards like whoa, but he’s nowhere near the between-the-tackles bruiser that Stewart is. J-Stew has all the skill in the world to be one of the greatest RBs of our generation, yet he’s a free agent in 25-fucking-percent of Yahoo! leagues.

Yes DeAngelo Williams is annoyingly still in the mix and Cam Newton has scored seven rushing TDs, but Stewart is emerging. Williams’ terrible play has led to Stewart getting more touches. As for Newton’s pesky feet, do not be afraid. Head coach Ron Rivera has expressed a desire to keep Newton from running as often to protect him and Stewart actually got three goal-line carries last week. As the weather turns colder, the team should run it more, not that Stewart necessarily needs way more touches to warrant a starting spot in your fantasy lineup. Averaging just 11.3 touches per game, Stewart is averaging just under 70 yards per game and that’s following a slow start and inconsistent offensive line play. Even with 15 touches per game, he could put up RB1 numbers if he continues to get the rock in the red zone.

This is the perfect time to offer up a trade for Stewart. Elite RBs are the priciest commodity on the fantasy trade market, but you can literally have one for RB2 or flex value. Keeper league owners in particular should act because by next draft season, you could be looking at a first round draft pick. No joke.

Oh, and if you find yourself playing in a league where players of Stewart’s caliber are sitting on waivers, you need to step up your hustle.

Mo’ “NFL Real Talk” after the jump: no comments