How many beers would it take for you to replace Ryan Franklin in the ninth inning with Miguel Batista instead of Jason Motte? Apparently Tony LaRussa falls asleep on the Cardinals bench as often as he falls asleep behind the wheel of his SUV. Jason Motte will be snubbed if Franklin is stripped of his Closer title.

"While the Cardinals are insisting that Ryan Franklin's closing job is safe, next in line should Franklin continue to struggle would probably be Batista, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports."

Tony LaRussa's obsession with old players is getting absurd. Frankly, this is pathetic. Miguel Batista is being picked up in my leagues. The guy has a career 5.78 K/9 and 4.07 BB/9. I am disgusted. I'd like to throw my support behind Franklin, but he's getting older and he's not getting the job done. He's not your prototypical fireballer who strikes out batters. He relies on tom foolery to keep hitters off balance and induce weak contact. That's not a Closer. Miguel Batista is not a Closer. Jason Motte is a Closer. Wake up Tony, gray hairs are not a stat.

We're about to delve into the world of free agents, the waiver wire. First, however, I'll need you to sign an agreement that basically says you cannot sue me if Jim Leyland lies about playing time, Dusty Baker maims a pitcher or the Rays never promote Desmond Jennings (ever). Sign and date here: __________. OK, now initial here: ___ and we'll be on our way to checking into who is available in at least half of Y! leagues (50% ownership or less). The jump awaits.

The ingenious minds behind the Operation Fantasy Baseball Freedom draft guide have reunited. I'm not going to tell you why. I'm not going to tell you how. But I will tell you where. The redesigned FantasyBaseballHotStove.com is where it's going down.

Go.

I was going to publish a waiver wire article for the week ahead, but I think I'm developing internet ADD or something. I've been surfing youtube vids all day and I can't stop. It's a vicious cycle. Maybe later tonight I'll get something done, but don't count on it.

Bon voyage Manuel Aristides Ramírez Onelcida. Manny Ramirez has retired after 17 At Bats with the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. He leaves the game with a career line of .312-1544-555-1831-38. His season highs included 45 Home Runs (twice), 165 RBI and a .333 Batting Average (min. 500 AB). It's no wonder why Manny thought he was entitled to mid-game bathroom breaks, abusing the rules against performance enhancing drugs and owning a Spring Training party house. It was a fun ride while it lasted, farewell Manny. Use the comments to shed a tear of sadness over Manny while the rest of us shed a tear of joy. We're one step closer to the arrival of Desmond Jennings! More on the Rays OF/DH situation after the jump.

What is Sergio Romo worth to a Brian Wilson owner? I've made an attempt to answer such a question. The league is Blog Wars and and MDS is holding Sergio Romo hostage. A trade offer was sent to test the resolve of one Aaron Murray. Technically it is a trade offer, but the whole situation reminds me more of a ransom note. I mentioned something about not dropping Romo when Wilson comes back and how he'll never see him again. Then I used the words "Brian Wilson" and "setback" in a sentence to let him know what could happen if we don't exchange goods. Aaron went to the authorities and now the offer is the Trade of the Day at RotoSavants. Help MDS improve his MI/SP by voting for Sergio Romo [here] at TradeBashers.

 "Yo MDS, what's up with Dennis Eckersley's mullet? What a freak."

We're ranking Closers based on job security, looking at those who have none, poking the injured with a stick and running down recent ninth inning news. Plus I provide an intense, play-by-play recap of the time I closed my hotmail account. Four of those five are true, find out which after the jump.

Yo MDS, let's see Eva pull off emotion with depth like this.

Evan Longoria was pulled before the Sixth Inning of Saturday's ballgame because of a sore oblique. Longo expects to be back in a week, but a trip to the DL hasn't been ruled out yet. The (Devil) Rays lineup doesn't have as much bite without the suffering Longoria and departed Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena. The lineup (Zobrist, Damon, Upton, Manny, Johnson, Joyce, Rodriguez, Jaso, Brignac) has been shut down by Jeremy Guthrie and Chris Tillman and could make for an easy target. Upcoming matchups include:

Go pick up Sean Burnett. Stop reading, quickly add him to your team and come back. I'll be here, waiting after the jump.

The 2011 player projections have received their final update. They are forever frozen in time. Finally. My prognastications were officially entered into the FSTA.org 2011 Projection Accuracy Challenge. Armed FSTA bodyguards picked them up from here and are now protecting the entries from foul play. The night watch team is on high alert after John Axford's Opening Day performance. The Top 100 Overall Player rankings will continue. An update is coming within a week. We'll attempt to get some bullpen content going shortly.

Yo MDS, "Million Dollar Belt" makes for a great team name

Sound the alarm! Despite numerous staged protests by the members of the Travis Ishikawa fan club, Brandon Belt has made the Opening Day Roster for the Giants of San Francisco (link). The accountants said no, but Bruce Bochy asked for a favor. Belt will man First Base and Aubrey Huff will move to the Outfield. The 13% owned super-prospect pwned the minor leagues in 2010, smashing at will between stops at single-A, AA and AAA (.353 with 23 HR and 22 SB). Belt has patience, some speed, a good contact rate and hit a ton of Line Drives and Fly Balls.  MLBDepthCharts has Belt slated to bat in the seven-hole between Pat Burrell and Miguel Tejada. 2011 Projection .279-20-75-80-8. There is a lot of hype surrounding the kid, justifiably so, but he'll be 23-years old in April and has only one season of professional baseball under his belt on his resume. This projection puts him in the Aubrey Huff, Adam Lind, Ike Davis, Gaby Sanchez tier. I would rank him at the top of this list, maybe even closer to Billy Butler than Aubrey Huff. The World Series champs and their new First Baseman will open the season on Thursday at Los Angeles.